Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All the doctor said was why
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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