i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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