He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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