I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
