So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
