toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
