Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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