Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
