Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
