Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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