So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
