i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
