I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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