I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
