What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
