Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
