Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
