Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
