that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
