wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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