i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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