I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
