if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize