Porn is love you can see.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
