I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
