ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
