so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
