if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
