I wish I could punch you in the face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
