Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
