thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
