Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
