And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
