so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
