We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
