I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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