i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
