are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
