You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
