You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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