Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
