he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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