you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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