It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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