On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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