Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
