Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
