There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
