My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
