So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
