The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
