Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
