I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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