It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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