she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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