turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
