She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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