last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
