Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize