two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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