It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
