If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
