happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
