Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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