Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
as a side note pls kill me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
