I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
