I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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