The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize