this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
