Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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