When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
