You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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