I could have mohawked her pubes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
