Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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