my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize